5. Things get Better Faster when You Cut a Cheater Loose
When someone is cheating, you are likely going to notice things are “off” for a while. However, as time passes, small untruths and lies are revealed showing you that your initial, gut feeling was, unfortunately, right. The bad news is, for many people who are dedicated to “making it work,” this agony and unknowing can go on for months, or even years.
When the truth finally does come out, it is likely much worse than the person ever imagined. The number of people, how long the affair or affairs had been going on, and who the other person is, is often quite shocking. During these times, you may even try marriage counseling, individual counseling, undergo depression, and taking medication to try and handle the thoughts you are having. However, all along you were right.
When you finally know that your feelings are justified, you can begin to heal. Rather than wondering what the truth is, doubting your partner, doubting yourself, you finally know for sure what is going on. At this point, you can say “goodbye” to the cheater and begin to heal. While this is not a process that is going to happen overnight, it is something that comes with time.
In fact, in the days and weeks after the cheater leaves, you can experience more healing and a sense of freedom than you have for years. This alone is enough for many people to say goodbye for good. There is no reason to wonder about the other person’s actions any longer.
4. You Face Your Fear
There is no “easy” way to handle this situation. You have to – at some point or another – face your fears. For many, this is living their life without their spouse. Remember, things always seem scarier when you remain in the dark – it is time to turn the light on. Take a long, hard look at your situation. Is this really the life you want to live? Is staying with this person, who cheated on you, going to make your happy? Is holding onto this broken relationship really worth it? Or, do you just feel confused and scared?
Many people who have been cheated on are just uncomfortable with the truth. They know their spouse is likely never going to change, or putting forward their best foot to work with you. The fact is, you can do better; however, it takes you walking away and being finished with the situation.
Think about this. What would you tell your friend if they were in the same situation? If they were being cheated on and lied to? Chances are, you would tell them it is time to go – at this point you need to take your own advice. When you are honest with yourself, you can avoid the same pain and discomfort you felt in the past, when the affair was going on. While facing your fear of being on your own may not seem like something appealing, it has to happen.
3. You Can Spend Time Focusing on “You”
Regardless of what you decide to do after being cheated on, therapy is beneficial. Individual therapy, group therapy, family therapy – talking to someone can help you work through your feelings about the situation. The sooner you have the opportunity to focus on yourself, and your growth, desires, and fears, the better you are going to feel.
Therapy can help you discover your inner strength and help you learn how to become happy, confident, and independent once again if this is the path you choose. The fact is, when you cut a cheater loose, you no longer have all this extra baggage that is dragging you into their much and problems. Get rid of this person and you are going to discover how quickly your own balloon rises and how high it can go.
While facing the idea of being alone is scary, it is something that has to happen when you are married to a cheater. There is no reason to stay with the person and allow yourself to continue hurting and wondering what is going on. Most cheaters don’t think about the individual they are married too until it is too late. That is when they are going to come to you to try and “fix” things. With the help of a therapist, you are going to have the strength to say “no” and focus on your own life and your kids’ lives (if you have any).