10 Reasons Why Nice Guys and Girls Finish Last
Being a nice guy or a nice girl sounds like it should be a compliment, but it does not appear actually to be one. Some people are stuck in the mindset that being nice is what it takes to get a romantic catch, and it does not work out very often. The route of the many issues with this mindset is that a person decides that being nice is all that they have to bring to the dating table. Good manners, while important, are not going to win a love interest over.
The inability to connect romantically can be caused by this overly nice attitude. Some subconscious personality traits come from being nice to the level of nice guy and girl. Most of these are not very attractive and can lead a potential partner just not to be interested in a romantic relationship. Attraction is the difference between being someone’s friend, and being someone’s romantic partner. This lack of appeal is where the friend-zone happens, and it is a common complaint of the nice guys and girls.
When someone gets to know a nice guy or girl, he or she is not attracted to the other person, usually due to the unattractive traits of an overly nice personality. However the nice guy or girl is otherwise a decent person, so a friendship is born. One side of that relationship apparently wants more from it, but a relationship does not work with only one side being into it. Here are 10 reasons why nice guys and girls finish last:
10. Nice Guys and Girls Are Boring
A common thought amongst the vocal nice guy and girl population is that they provide their partner with security and safety. These relationship benefits are perceived in an entirely different light by their love interests. On the other side of this, nice guys and girls do not provide any excitement to the person they are trying to woo. One way to kill a relationship fast is boredom, and the newer the relationship, the easier it will die.
Nice guys and girls end up being perceived as boring, not because they are actually boring though. It’s because they are just too safe. The potential partners assume that safe is the opposite of exciting. A lack of excitement is going to be a dull experience, and that is not going to lead to a fulfilling relationship. It can also mean that the relationship cannot grow, and the lack of progress can be a turnoff.
The idea that safe and secure is doomed to boring with no progress is not all that logical. A stable relationship can still be full of adventure; however, it is part of the nice guy or girl stigma that things will be dull. To avoid this common sticking point, a nice guy or girl can make sure that they show their date that safe does not have to mean boring. Adding some excitement to the date can significantly improve the potential in any relationship. Suggesting intriguing date ideas is a great way for a nice guy or girl to blow the boring out of their relationships.
9. Nice Guys and Girls are Weak
The weakness that is associated with the nice guy or girl persona is not a physical weakness, but a social deficiency. Social weakness is a total turn off for a romantic partner. Their people-pleasing desire can come across as being easily manipulated with social pressure because they regularly conform to the “hive mind” in any group setting. A person who is that easily swayed by a groups opinion is going to be judged as weak. They are unable to hold up any boundaries or ideals that they stand behind. Their inability to stand behind their beliefs is going to make any stance they take seem superficial.
When it comes to dating, being weak socially can be very detrimental. The logic behind this is if a person can be swayed easily on other ideals that they hold, how easy was it to convince themselves they wanted to be with their partner? Was it easy to appear attractive? Are they even truly wanting to be in a relationship with their current partner, or did they just get talked into it? How easy would it be to talk them out of their perceived love? All of these questions have less than satisfactory answers when they are asked of a person who is socially weak.
A nice guy or girl is not going to fill their partner with confidence in their relationship. In fact, most people are going to find nice guys and girls to be very fickle. Being fickle is a major turn off, and a great way to kill budding romantic relationships.
8. Pushovers Are Not Attractive
In the same vein as being socially weak, the nice guy and girl persona can come across as being complete pushovers. While constantly arguing over every little thing can become tiresome, so can complete agreement. A healthy dose of compromise can bring a couple closer together, and that means both people need to show what they really want. When one person is made to make all the choices because the other is just okay with everything, the couple miss out on this bonding.
Being able to work through disagreements is a sign of a strong connection and the possibility of a solid relationship. Talking through smaller conflicts is a how a couple find out how their partner deal with differences. They can expect a larger rift to be managed in a similar manner. With the overly nice people, these little disagreements never happen. It is hard for a romantic interest to have an idea of what to expect when a disagreement does finally occur because eventually, something is going to deserve a response. This can cause a new relationship to fizzle out quickly because the uncertainty is worrying.
Compounding the worry of not knowing how a person deals with conflict, the lack of passion shown by a push over is very unattractive. This lack of strong feelings can also indicate that someone is uninteresting. When someone is willing to bend to everything, it shows they lack passion on any topic. Being boring, and lacking real passion are turnoffs for a potential partner, quickly leading back to the friend-zone.
7. There is No Chase
While it sounds somewhat backward, the thrill of the chase is a real thing. It is also not limited just to the beginning of a relationship and is something that can be worked on well into marriage. When a nice guy does his constant calling or a nice girl is always showing up at someone’s house, there is no thrill for the other person. The thrill is an excellent way to build up attraction, and a lack of attraction leads to the friend-zone.
The balance between showing interest, and still keeping something personal can be difficult to find. Most of the time, a person is defined as a nice guy or girl because they swung too far to one side of the spectrum. Some dating guidelines can help keep a person who has a habit of being too interested, such as waiting several days to call. While these may help a bit, most are outdated, and they should all be taken as guidelines, not hard and fast rules. The best approach is to listen for cues from the other person. If they are trying to push away or appear uncomfortable, it is a sign to back off a bit. Responding to their communication is important.
Nice guys and girls are labeled as such because they cannot manage to find any balance in their relationships. This missing balance is going to be a hard obstacle to overcome. In some cases, it is too much effort to work through this, meaning a healthy relationship is very unlikely.
6. Overly Clingy
Typical nice guy or girl behavior is going to kill the thrill, and those same behaviors are going to be seen as being clingy. In a healthy relationship, both people can grow as individuals. When one part of the relationship is overly clingy, this personal growth is going to be stifled.
The suffocation that comes from a clingy partner will cause a person to push away. It is not an environment that lets deeper relationships grow. To the nice guy or girl, it will feel as though they are trying so hard, yet keep getting rejected. From the perspective of the other person, they are just trying to get some breathing room. Neither feelings are entirely wrong; they are just based off of separate views. A couple with a healthy dynamic can navigate this by listening to each other and respecting their partner’s boundaries.
A way to combat the urge to be clingy is to enjoy other things in life. If the relationship is the only thing that is interesting in a person’s life, they are going to need more from it. The clingy dynamic is usually started with this base; one person puts everything into a relationship and therefore needs to get everything out of it. A healthy balance of other social groups, hobbies, and interests make for a well-rounded person, who is much less predisposed to be clingy. Solving clingy behaviors works best when the cause of the behavior is addressed. As an extra bonus, having new things to focus on helps build passions to share.