10 Reasons to Divorce a Cheater
If you are a victim of an unfaithful spouse, there is no question that it is a devastating situation. In fact, you may actually feel as though your spouse has died when you discover their affair. This is a feeling that doesn’t go away quickly or easily.
There are countless stories out there about how women (and men) give their spouse a second chance after an affair. There are many who even claim that this situation brought them closer together than ever before. However, shortly after these reports of happiness, they return only to let the world know their spouse has once again been unfaithful.
Unfortunately, today’s society is full of people who don’t think before they act. The consequences of actions are only considered after the bad decision is made. This type of “reactive” thinking causes many problems, including divorce.
While it is tempting to take back someone you love after an affair, in the majority of situations, this is not a good idea. While there are some exceptions to the rule, these are far and few between. In most cases, taking back a cheater is only going to make you even more miserable in the long run. You deserve someone who is going to remain faithful.
If you need more proof that it is best to divorce a cheater, read the 10 reasons not to take him (or her) back. In most cases, a little information can help you clear your head and see why the phrase “once a cheater, always a cheater” usually rings true.
10. Your Relationship is Forever Altered
While some people claim that when someone cheats, it improves their relationship, this is typically not the case. The sense of respect, trust, and freedom are gone and, in most cases, it is never going to return.
The fact is, when your husband or wife breaks your wedding vows by having an affair, they metaphorically spit all over the sense of trust and respect that may have been present in the past. In some cases, it may have never been present at all. The sanctity, the sense, and the purity that the other person is going to sacrifice for you, fight for what is right, put you first, and cherish, honor, and love you have gone out the window – forever.
The fact is, there is no way to unbreak something that is broken. While, a vase that is broken is often glued together, and may look alright, it is never going to regain the strength it once had. This is true for a marriage that is broken, as well. Even if everything seems okay on the surface, underneath the hurt and betrayal are still present and are going to only grow as time passes.
When it comes to an affair, it doesn’t matter if it was the man or the woman who was unfaithful. The relationship they once had is never going to resurface, resulting in resentment, anger, and in some cases, even hatred for the other person.
9. You are Always Going to Question the Other Person about their Faithfulness
There is a good reason this happens. A person who cheats (both males and females) are much more likely to take the easy way out. They are the type of person who looks outside of their marriage, rather than addressing and talking about the concerns present with their partner. In many situations, those who cheat have serious issues that are never fully revealed or completely resolved.
To put it simply, many cheaters are cowards who easily make the decision to run away from their problems, or to pretend as if they don’t exist, rather than facing them head-on. In many cases, they were like that for their entire lives and continue to remain conflict avoidant, using withdraw as a coping mechanism, for the remainder of the relationship you have with them. That is because this is their “go to” action, and it is easier than facing the problems present.
In other situations, the cheater is entitled and aggressive. This is a recipe for disaster and for those who take this kind of cheater back, they are likely only going to find themselves in the exact same situation over and over again until they have finally had enough. Don’t allow yourself to get caught up in this cycle. Take action to resolve the issue and minimize the pain and suffering you have to endure because of the unfaithful behavior of your partner.
8. Actions Speak Louder than Words – Your Children are Watching
If your children find out that an affair is what tore your relationship apart, it can create irreversible damage. While there are ways to handle this with children of all ages without divulging too much, the actions you take speak volumes to kids.
In fact, kids who see that one person in the marriage accepts the unfaithfulness of another, they may begin to think this is normal. It is okay to stay with someone who does not treat their spouse with respect and honor the vows they say.
On the other hand, a child may begin to believe that cheating is normal and something that is accepted. As a result, they may grow up believing that they are entitled to do as they please, and that no real consequences are going to occur because you never left your cheating spouse.
This is a hard lesson to learn and there is no reason to base your actions completely on what your children think; however, it is a consideration to keep in mind. Parents are the biggest role model for their children. If they accept unfaithfulness or are unfaithful, the children are going to naturally believe this is how a normal relationship works. Take action, remain strong, and show your child that you, and them, deserve someone who is going to remain faithful throughout a marriage. This ensures they can grow up and know what a healthy relationship entails.
7. To Keep Yourself Safe
No one wants to think that someone they love would intentionally expose them to disease. However, when it comes to that someone cheating, you need a reality check. Regardless of if the person had a one-night stand or a longer-term affair, they likely did not use protection during each encounter. In fact, they may not have used protection at all. The fact is, if the person you love could risk their own health, as well as yours without a second thought, chances are they are not someone you want to stay with or put your trust in.
The fact is, each time you interact with this person after they have cheated you are putting yourself at risk. This is especially true if you continued to have relations with them, without knowing they were having an affair. This type of risk is not something that anyone needs to expose themselves to. However, if you remain with someone who has cheated, you may not have any say in the matter.
The fact is, sexually transmitted diseases are serious. While some are easily treated with antibiotics, others are extremely serious and may not have any noticeable symptoms until serious damage has occurred. In fact, there are some diseases that can result in long-term problems with health, as well as infertility. These are issues that you can avoid when you take the time to say no and let your spouse go. While it is often difficult in the beginning, it is typically well-worth it in the long run.
6. To Avoid Second-Guessing Yourself
If you decide to stay with a cheater, you are going to discover that you are constantly second guessing yourself, as well as your worth. As a result, your self-esteem is going to suffer each time you see your cheating spouse and think about the fact that they did not think enough of you to remain faithful.
You may also suffer “mind movies.” These may begin to plague you. Each time your spouse touches you, even in non-sexual ways, you may think of the other person (or people) they touched in the past. This creates flashbacks and triggers that may hang around for years, even decades down the road. While you can try to control these, you are going to quickly discover this is virtually impossible.
The fact is, these memories are going to start popping up at very inopportune times – while you try to have sex, attend family events, watch a movie, and even see an old photo. You are going to remember that during events such as these in the past, your spouse was lying to you. Even if you have amazing self-esteem prior to finding out your spouse is cheating, you are going to feel less than when looking into their eyes. While some of these feelings may disappear when they are not around, why have to deal with this? You can remain happy and maintain your self-esteem by divorcing the cheater.