10 Reasons to Divorce a Cheater
If you are a victim of an unfaithful spouse, there is no question that it is a devastating situation. In fact, you may actually feel as though your spouse has died when you discover their affair. This is a feeling that doesn’t go away quickly or easily.
There are countless stories out there about how women (and men) give their spouse a second chance after an affair. There are many who even claim that this situation brought them closer together than ever before. However, shortly after these reports of happiness, they return only to let the world know their spouse has once again been unfaithful.
Unfortunately, today’s society is full of people who don’t think before they act. The consequences of actions are only considered after the bad decision is made. This type of “reactive” thinking causes many problems, including divorce.
While it is tempting to take back someone you love after an affair, in the majority of situations, this is not a good idea. While there are some exceptions to the rule, these are far and few between. In most cases, taking back a cheater is only going to make you even more miserable in the long run. You deserve someone who is going to remain faithful.
If you need more proof that it is best to divorce a cheater, read the 10 reasons not to take him (or her) back. In most cases, a little information can help you clear your head and see why the phrase “once a cheater, always a cheater” usually rings true.
10Your Relationship is Forever Altered
While some people claim that when someone cheats, it improves their relationship, this is typically not the case. The sense of respect, trust, and freedom are gone and, in most cases, it is never going to return.
The fact is, when your husband or wife breaks your wedding vows by having an affair, they metaphorically spit all over the sense of trust and respect that may have been present in the past. In some cases, it may have never been present at all. The sanctity, the sense, and the purity that the other person is going to sacrifice for you, fight for what is right, put you first, and cherish, honor, and love you have gone out the window – forever.
The fact is, there is no way to unbreak something that is broken. While, a vase that is broken is often glued together, and may look alright, it is never going to regain the strength it once had. This is true for a marriage that is broken, as well. Even if everything seems okay on the surface, underneath the hurt and betrayal are still present and are going to only grow as time passes.
When it comes to an affair, it doesn’t matter if it was the man or the woman who was unfaithful. The relationship they once had is never going to resurface, resulting in resentment, anger, and in some cases, even hatred for the other person.
9You are Always Going to Question the Other Person about their Faithfulness
There is a good reason this happens. A person who cheats (both males and females) are much more likely to take the easy way out. They are the type of person who looks outside of their marriage, rather than addressing and talking about the concerns present with their partner. In many situations, those who cheat have serious issues that are never fully revealed or completely resolved.
To put it simply, many cheaters are cowards who easily make the decision to run away from their problems, or to pretend as if they don’t exist, rather than facing them head-on. In many cases, they were like that for their entire lives and continue to remain conflict avoidant, using withdraw as a coping mechanism, for the remainder of the relationship you have with them. That is because this is their “go to” action, and it is easier than facing the problems present.
In other situations, the cheater is entitled and aggressive. This is a recipe for disaster and for those who take this kind of cheater back, they are likely only going to find themselves in the exact same situation over and over again until they have finally had enough. Don’t allow yourself to get caught up in this cycle. Take action to resolve the issue and minimize the pain and suffering you have to endure because of the unfaithful behavior of your partner.
8Actions Speak Louder than Words – Your Children are Watching
If your children find out that an affair is what tore your relationship apart, it can create irreversible damage. While there are ways to handle this with children of all ages without divulging too much, the actions you take speak volumes to kids.
In fact, kids who see that one person in the marriage accepts the unfaithfulness of another, they may begin to think this is normal. It is okay to stay with someone who does not treat their spouse with respect and honor the vows they say.
On the other hand, a child may begin to believe that cheating is normal and something that is accepted. As a result, they may grow up believing that they are entitled to do as they please, and that no real consequences are going to occur because you never left your cheating spouse.
This is a hard lesson to learn and there is no reason to base your actions completely on what your children think; however, it is a consideration to keep in mind. Parents are the biggest role model for their children. If they accept unfaithfulness or are unfaithful, the children are going to naturally believe this is how a normal relationship works. Take action, remain strong, and show your child that you, and them, deserve someone who is going to remain faithful throughout a marriage. This ensures they can grow up and know what a healthy relationship entails.
7To Keep Yourself Safe
No one wants to think that someone they love would intentionally expose them to disease. However, when it comes to that someone cheating, you need a reality check. Regardless of if the person had a one-night stand or a longer-term affair, they likely did not use protection during each encounter. In fact, they may not have used protection at all. The fact is, if the person you love could risk their own health, as well as yours without a second thought, chances are they are not someone you want to stay with or put your trust in.
The fact is, each time you interact with this person after they have cheated you are putting yourself at risk. This is especially true if you continued to have relations with them, without knowing they were having an affair. This type of risk is not something that anyone needs to expose themselves to. However, if you remain with someone who has cheated, you may not have any say in the matter.
The fact is, sexually transmitted diseases are serious. While some are easily treated with antibiotics, others are extremely serious and may not have any noticeable symptoms until serious damage has occurred. In fact, there are some diseases that can result in long-term problems with health, as well as infertility. These are issues that you can avoid when you take the time to say no and let your spouse go. While it is often difficult in the beginning, it is typically well-worth it in the long run.
6To Avoid Second-Guessing Yourself
If you decide to stay with a cheater, you are going to discover that you are constantly second guessing yourself, as well as your worth. As a result, your self-esteem is going to suffer each time you see your cheating spouse and think about the fact that they did not think enough of you to remain faithful.
You may also suffer “mind movies.” These may begin to plague you. Each time your spouse touches you, even in non-sexual ways, you may think of the other person (or people) they touched in the past. This creates flashbacks and triggers that may hang around for years, even decades down the road. While you can try to control these, you are going to quickly discover this is virtually impossible.
The fact is, these memories are going to start popping up at very inopportune times – while you try to have sex, attend family events, watch a movie, and even see an old photo. You are going to remember that during events such as these in the past, your spouse was lying to you. Even if you have amazing self-esteem prior to finding out your spouse is cheating, you are going to feel less than when looking into their eyes. While some of these feelings may disappear when they are not around, why have to deal with this? You can remain happy and maintain your self-esteem by divorcing the cheater.
5Things get Better Faster when You Cut a Cheater Loose
When someone is cheating, you are likely going to notice things are “off” for a while. However, as time passes, small untruths and lies are revealed showing you that your initial, gut feeling was, unfortunately, right. The bad news is, for many people who are dedicated to “making it work,” this agony and unknowing can go on for months, or even years.
When the truth finally does come out, it is likely much worse than the person ever imagined. The number of people, how long the affair or affairs had been going on, and who the other person is, is often quite shocking. During these times, you may even try marriage counseling, individual counseling, undergo depression, and taking medication to try and handle the thoughts you are having. However, all along you were right.
When you finally know that your feelings are justified, you can begin to heal. Rather than wondering what the truth is, doubting your partner, doubting yourself, you finally know for sure what is going on. At this point, you can say “goodbye” to the cheater and begin to heal. While this is not a process that is going to happen overnight, it is something that comes with time.
In fact, in the days and weeks after the cheater leaves, you can experience more healing and a sense of freedom than you have for years. This alone is enough for many people to say goodbye for good. There is no reason to wonder about the other person’s actions any longer.
4You Face Your Fear
There is no “easy” way to handle this situation. You have to – at some point or another – face your fears. For many, this is living their life without their spouse. Remember, things always seem scarier when you remain in the dark – it is time to turn the light on. Take a long, hard look at your situation. Is this really the life you want to live? Is staying with this person, who cheated on you, going to make your happy? Is holding onto this broken relationship really worth it? Or, do you just feel confused and scared?
Many people who have been cheated on are just uncomfortable with the truth. They know their spouse is likely never going to change, or putting forward their best foot to work with you. The fact is, you can do better; however, it takes you walking away and being finished with the situation.
Think about this. What would you tell your friend if they were in the same situation? If they were being cheated on and lied to? Chances are, you would tell them it is time to go – at this point you need to take your own advice. When you are honest with yourself, you can avoid the same pain and discomfort you felt in the past, when the affair was going on. While facing your fear of being on your own may not seem like something appealing, it has to happen.
3You Can Spend Time Focusing on “You”
Regardless of what you decide to do after being cheated on, therapy is beneficial. Individual therapy, group therapy, family therapy – talking to someone can help you work through your feelings about the situation. The sooner you have the opportunity to focus on yourself, and your growth, desires, and fears, the better you are going to feel.
Therapy can help you discover your inner strength and help you learn how to become happy, confident, and independent once again if this is the path you choose. The fact is, when you cut a cheater loose, you no longer have all this extra baggage that is dragging you into their much and problems. Get rid of this person and you are going to discover how quickly your own balloon rises and how high it can go.
While facing the idea of being alone is scary, it is something that has to happen when you are married to a cheater. There is no reason to stay with the person and allow yourself to continue hurting and wondering what is going on. Most cheaters don’t think about the individual they are married too until it is too late. That is when they are going to come to you to try and “fix” things. With the help of a therapist, you are going to have the strength to say “no” and focus on your own life and your kids’ lives (if you have any).
2Learn to Become Your Own Partner
After being cheated on, it is a good idea to spend some time alone. Advocate for yourself and treat yourself with the kindness you deserve. Make sure you demand what you know you deserve and don’t ever settle for anything less than. Make sure you understand your emotions and your needs, rather than just focusing on the person that cheated on you. Stop always putting yourself last and stop second-guessing your intuition.
You don’t have to continue making excuses for your spouse’s behavior. Instead of trying to “help,” “save,” or “fix” them, do all of that for yourself and your life. If your spouse wanted to stay with you, they would have never of cheated, to begin with.
Your spouse understands right from wrong and they understood this when they were having the affair. If they don’t, then it is even more of a reason to get out as quickly as you can. When someone decides to cheat, it is a conscious decision, it is not one that just accidently happens. Don’t let them make you think it was an accident, they know what they stand to lose. You need to worry about yourself and begin to find ways to fulfill your life outside of other people.
When you become your own partner, you can ensure you always put yourself first. This is impossible when you are with someone who is focused on themselves all the time. It is time to cut the cord and let go.
1You Deserve Someone Who Would Never Hurt You Intentionally
Cheating is a completely deliberate act. Either your spouse never cared for you, or loved you, or they don’t know how to love. In either situation, you deserve much more. The good news is, there is more out there. However, you have to say goodbye to the person who cheated on you first. The fact is, being alone is much better than being with someone who is willing to purposefully and knowingly hurt you.
When you are in a situation where you are being cheated on, you may begin to place some of the blame on yourself. This is what your partner wants you to do. They make statements that can make you feel like you drove them to another person’s arms. This is simply crazy. They made the conscious decision to cheat on you – nothing more, nothing less.
When they decided to have an affair, they likely did everything they could to keep it secret. That is because they knew it was wrong. If they knew what they were doing was wrong, then there is no way that it was your fault. Each time they visited, called, or even thought about the other person, they were basically solidifying the fact that they did not find your feelings or commitment to them important. Once you understand this, you are going to discover that divorce is much easier than you ever imagined.
Cheating is not a victimless crime. It leaves marriages in shambles, people broken hearted, and quite a bit of other issues in its wake. If you are married to a cheater, you have to find the strength to leave. The old saying, “once a cheater, always a cheater,” (as mentioned above) has merit. Millions of people have given their cheating a spouse a second chance, only to regret it in the long run.
Divorce is scary. Being on your own is often intimidating. However, when you find your strength and finally see that you deserve more, you can make a break for good from the person who is hurting you intentionally.
When you use the information here, you can clearly see why leaving a cheater is really the only option you have. Don’t stay with someone who broke your trust and the vows you took. This is only going to leave you even more broken hearted in the long run.
Also, if you have children, staying with someone who constantly lies to you, betrays you, and has affairs is only going to teach them that this is normal and acceptable behavior. Let your kids know that they deserve more, too, by saying “goodbye.” A cheater is never going to change. Even if they promise to never do it again, can you really forget the betrayal? For most people, this is impossible, regardless of how hard they try. Making a clean break is the best way to ensure you can get on with your life and find happiness again, possibly with someone else.