How To Be A World-Class Kisser: Top 10 Ways to be a Better Kisser
Most of us have been around the block enough to believe, whether or not it’s true, that we’re good kissers. We know we’re good at it because our girlfriends or boyfriends say so. But, if we’re honest, we also remember when we had never really kissed anyone. When we held our cupped palms to our lips, wondering what it would be like, when we swooned while watching animated characters like Cinderella and her Prince Charming meet lips, when we excitedly awaited the day that we ourselves would stand on our parents’ front porches, or sit on a park bench bathed in a streetlamp’s soft light, or lie in the grass under the stars, and finally have that perfect first kiss.
But what constitutes the perfect kiss? If science can map the entire human genome, certainly it can shed some light on the simple pleasure of swapping spit. When it comes to making someone swoon, there are numerous tools at your disposure from Altoids’ curiously strong mints to body language to pure and simple communication. Whether you’re preparing for a Tinder meet-up, a blind date, or yet another year with your husband or wife, here’s the hook-up on how to hook up.
But really, take care of your mouth. This is one of the simplest, easiest, and most crucial ways of becoming a good kisser. Although we can learn to love someone so much so we ignore their morning breath and coffee-stained teeth, from the beginning, fresh breath and good hygiene are important. Although this may appear simply shallow, the need for shiny teeth has a deeper meaning: it reflects your ability to take care of yourself and to, in turn, take care of someone else.
Fortunately, there are a wide variety of ways to prevent bad breath, beyond frequent trips to the dentist, fluoride treatments, and trips to the bathroom for guzzles of Listerine. If you’re on a dinner date, say yes to refills and drink as much water as possible, as this is the easiest way to keep food particles from building up between your teeth and gums. Also, eat your carbs. Low-carb diets may give you an attractive figure, but they also give you halitosis. When your body burns fat, chemicals called ketones fill your mouth with bad breath. This type of bad breath doesn’t reflect a hygiene problem, but it sure smells like one. If you’re going to have a drink to loosen up, choose wisely. Beer, whiskey, and mixed drinks give you bad breath while red wine gives you stained teeth, too. Gin and vodka, on the other hand, keep you fresh. The dream drink, then, is a minty mojito, or, if you prefer something more masculine, the classy gin and tonic. Lastly, when it comes to garlic and onion, make like a vampire and stay away.
You can’t begin to understand a book if you take every word on the surface level and refuse to consider what hidden meanings are lying just underneath. Just as there is a world of symbolism, motifs, and themes within a novel for those who choose to look, there is a world of meaning in body language to be delved into for the master kisser. To have the perfect kiss, you have to feel someone breathing on your bare shoulder, to look into someone’s eyes and see they are not brown like you originally thought but a deep hazel with streaks of green, yellow and gold. In other words, you’ve got to get closer.
To get close, though, you’ve got to know how to read someone’s body language. Luckily, there are plenty of experts available to speak on the subject. According to Patti Wood, body-language expert featured on programs like The Today Show, CNN, and FOX News, “You can send up to 10,000 body language cues in less than a minute. And there’s no way to control all of them—even if you’re sly.” According to Tonya Reiman, author of The Power of Body Language, “We lick our lips when we see something we desire.” We also lift our eyebrows and blink more frequently. We reach our hands and even point our feet towards the person, and we mirror the other person’s movements. If you’re wondering if the time is right, rest your palm on your chin and see if your partner touches his or hers as well.
Open Your Mouth And Close Your Eyes.
There’s nothing like taking a peek mid-makeout to see that your new honey is staring you down, rolling his eyes back, or wide-eyed and afraid. Many of us naturally close our eyes as we go in for the kiss, and for good reason.
For one thing, the image of someone else close-up could be somewhat overwhelming or uncomfortable, as big noses look bigger, as do blackheads and other imperfections. Out of respect for your partner and yourself, you may want to close your eyes. Kissing already puts you in a vulnerable position, so closing your eyes makes you feel safer and knowing your partner’s eyes are closed as well makes you feel comfortable and accepted rather than squirmy under a magnifying glass.
Other reasons for closing your eyes are also for your benefit. Firstly, your brain can only focus on so much at once: moving your eyes around takes away focus from moving your tongue around. As sexologist Diane Delay says, it’s a lot like trying to use one hand to pat your head while using the other to move in circles. Have you ever closed your eyes to further enjoy the taste of some decadent chocolate cake? Perhaps you’ve closed them, too, while listening to a beautiful song or taking in the sweet scent of spring flowers blooming. Shutting off the gateway to visual sensory input allows the gateway to physical sensory input to fire even stronger, making a good kiss feel like a great kiss.
When we eat a fine meal, we don’t just dive into the main course. We take our time. Kissing’s the same. Besides bad breath, there are few things as off-putting as having a guy stick his tongue down your throat, gagging you with his “intense desire.” Having a girl bite your lip so hard it bleeds while sitting in an ice cream parlor is just as repellent. There are exceptions to the rule—partners who are equally drunk, for example—but for the most part, the rule stands: take it slow.
Evolutionary psychologists like Susan Hughes argue that such advice is primarily reserved for men. Whereas women use kissing to assess potential mates and to sniff out good pheromones, men have one thing on their mind: sex. According to Hughes’ findings, this complicates things: a kiss is not a harmonious meeting of kindred souls but a battle of the sexes in a clash of evolutionary needs and desires. Men like their kisses sloppy and wet, women not so much. While men use kissing as a direct route to sex followed by a blissful, kiss-less stupor, women like making out before, during, and after the act.
The joy of starting slow, though, is that everyone gets what they want. Partners who prefer cute pecks leading to romantic French-kissing sessions are happy, and those who just want it all can feel as if they’re accelerating towards something bigger than the kiss: sex, or love, or both.
Stay On Tempo.
A lot of kissing depends on the environment. If you’re on the couch cuddling and watching a rom-com with your honey, you may opt for slow and sensual kisses. If you’re pressed up against the wall of your bedroom, you may agree to a faster tempo. Regardless of the environment, pay attention to how your partner kisses you and go with it. Good kissing isn’t like an old-fashioned dance where the guy leads and the gal is strung along. Rather, it’s an exchange, a constant back-and-forth, a way of working together to provide one another with real and shared pleasure.
The best kissers are often just like the best dancers: they complement your moves, they respond to you with equal force and pressure, and they’re open to trying new things with you. Most importantly, they’ve got that rhythm. The best makeout sessions are duets in which partners practice the give-and-take mindset that improves their relationship inside and outside the bedroom.
Feel like your partner isn’t catching on? Sometimes the excitement is just too much for someone and they plow ahead, leaving you feeling over-kissed and under-cared-for. Other times, they’re so slow you feel like you’re kissing as slow as snow melts in Alaska. Encourage your partner to catch your drift by playing music and moving to the beat.
Keep Some Tricks Up Your Sleeve.
Here’s what will bring you to the next level and the third and fourth dates rather than simply the first and second. Remember: you’re not a trick pony, you’re a human being! Don’t throw out all of your talents on the very first kiss. Save some of the goods for later.
Although a bad kiss is surely disappointing, a good kiss used over and over again, exactly the same, for weeks or months or years on end, can be just as disappointing. If you’ve been in a long-term relationship, you know that eventually things start running together. But true romantics come up with new dates, surprise their significant others, and keep their kisses interesting.
Say you’re on a surprisingly romantic and sweet first date. Don’t pull out all the bells and whistles right away! Save lip-biting and neck-sucking for another more appropriate time. Keep the swoon-worthy French kiss for the end of the second or third date, when good conversation and newfound connections supply even more aid to happy pheromones hopping between you two. There’s a time and a place for everything, and the same rule goes for kissing.
Remember: you’re worth second and third dates. You’re worth more dates than you can count! Don’t worry about proving yourself so fast. Save some surprises for later, and keep that date of yours coming back for more.
Variety Is Key.
When it comes to professional-caliber kissing, variety is the name of the game. There’s sucking, kissing, pecking, swirling, licking, etc. There’s fast and rough and there’s soft and smooth. Sensual and sweet, brusque and primal.
Then again, it’s not just about the lips. Thus far, we’ve focused on the mouth, but if you want to be a world-class kisser, you’ve got to know that sometimes it’s necessary to leave the lips and explore other areas of the body. Cue the erogenous zones.
The phrase erogenous is derived from the Greek eros and English –genous meaning “love-producing.” Erogenous zones are sensitive and sexual hot spots, arousing your partner with an overwhelming sensual experience of combined relaxation and excitation. Kissing erogenous zones not only turns your partner on, it increases her experience of intimacy with you.
While we’ll leave the obvious areas to you and your partner, there are some other erogenous zones sure to turn your kissing game up to advanced. As most know, the neck and ears are highly sensitive, especially the outer edges of the ears. If you’re feeling really brave and your partner’s comfortable with it, armpits, kneepits, the lower abdomen, and inner thighs are also super-sensitive. Ever wondered what’s with the foot fetish? Thanks to a high concentration of nerve endings on the feet and toes close to the brain system dealing with sexual sensation, kissing, sucking, and licking such areas can be quite literally near-orgasmic.
Have A Laugh!
When you’ve been with someone for long enough, kisses passionate, cute, and lustful can all start to run together. Dates once fun turn gray, flaws once endearing turn into annoyances, and plans for the spring turn into plans for next year. A really fantastic kisser knows how to bring back cuteness, brimming joy, and goofy spontaneity into a relationship. Even if it’s just the first date, a great kisser knows the power of a good sense of humor when it comes to snagging someone’s heart.
As it turns out, there’s scientific evidence backing up a penchant for comedy: the ability to make good jokes is a sign of intelligence, and intelligence is attractive in a mate. Whereas men and women sometimes have different kissing preferences, the preference for comedy is mutually beneficial: women love men who make them laugh, and men love women who laugh at their jokes. Everyone wins, and laughing with someone connects you to them.
Comedy allows nervous partners on first dates to relax and to connect. It also allows long-term partners dealing with daily stress and problems to relax as well, reconnecting and rekindling romance. Awesome kissers can surprise their partners with overly dramatic public kisses in the style of The Kissing Sailor, sloppy puppy licks on the cheek, and tickle fights stifled by playful pecks. Truly great kissers have the confidence to be frisky and fun, not just romantic or lusty.
You can have all the training in the world, but if you kiss like a robot, even your passion will feel fake. A truly good kiss is like any other authentic thing: you can tell the real from the fake because you can just feel the difference. Passion can’t be taught or simulated. It has to come from a truly open heart.
Passion is something that pervades the entire moment, though: not just the kiss. Speak genuinely and honestly about how you feel, what you enjoy doing, and what interests you about this person. As Dale Carnegie said, “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” The same goes for romantic connection. Show interest, genuine interest, and the kiss that comes later will express the same genuine passion.
Although anyone can have a good, steamy kiss, the truly passionate kiss requires real vulnerability and openness. It requires a genuine connection between two people, one that has been forged and taken care of over time. To be a good kisser, you’ve got to be present in the moment, open to meaningful time with another person, and willing to honestly express yourself. When words have been spent, pure physical passion fills in any blanks leftover.
As Mae West smoothly admitted, “I have found men who didn’t know how to kiss. I’ve always found time to teach them.” One of the most difficult yet important parts of any relationship, and of any kiss, is communication.
Ultimately, even with all the science, technology, and poetry on your side, you can’t be a good kisser if you’re only thinking about feeding your own ego. It isn’t about being told you’re a good kisser. It’s about making someone else feel attractive, cared for, and even loved. So, after all of this reading and research, stop thinking so hard about being impressive or better. Rather, be caring.
If you know your partner well enough to do so, ask what he or she wants or desires. If you don’t know this person well enough, then listen to the body. We all move with a certain rhythm and tempo. Pay attention to your partner’s and mirror it. If you feel that your partner is moving to fast or is pushing too rough, say how you feel. Staying silent will only build upon the bridge of disconnection you already feel developing. Saying how you feel, on the other hand, will give your partner a clear idea of where you’re coming from and what you want. If you have no idea what you want or what your partner wants, all the training and tips in the world won’t make you a good kisser.
Sometimes the truth is hard to swallow, but it’s better to hear it from an online article than from someone close to you who has deemed you a bad kisser. Brushing your teeth regularly, whitening them if they’re discolored, and making sure your breath is minty-fresh will make you both kissable and desirable. People who can take care of themselves are attractive. No one wants to date someone who can’t cover the bare necessities—how can someone love on you if they can’t love themselves enough to apply basic hygiene? To spice things up splash on a little bit of cologne or perfume.
If your breath is good enough to make it through the date, science has your back for the rest of it. Use your newfound skills in body language-reading to see if your date is into you or not. Remember that although women and men often have love connections, their needs kissing-wise can clash. And if you want it to feel good for you and your partner, close your eyes.
Don’t dive in full-throttle. Rather, take your time. Doing so allows you to explore a variety of kissing styles from cute and sweet to passionate and romantic to hot and heavy. When kissing on the lips becomes boring, explore erogenous zones, unique gateways to overwhelming pleasure. Although passion provides us with some of the most swoon-worthy kisses, remember that comedy allows us to loosen up and connect. Let yourself relax, and have a laugh. And, last of all, say how you feel and what you need. Soon, you’ll be a professional kissing-machine.