10 Reasons You’re Going to Marry the Wrong Person
Let’s imagine, for a moment, that you have met the woman of your dreams. She is highly intelligent, beyond beautiful, and, basically, everything you have been looking for wrapped into one, perfectly-shaped person. You are overjoyed by the fact that you have just met your soul-mate, your best friend, and the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with.
So, you take some time getting to know one another. You take her out on lavish dates, travel, hand in hand, to foreign places, and take some time to get to know her family. You feel connected, so, you propose. You are overjoyed when she looks you in the eye and says, “yes.” The happiest day of your life, however, is when that same woman holds your hands in front of all of your family and friends and says, “I do.”
Fast forward ten years and imagine that perfection begin to fade. Life is tough, and you begin to realize that your perfect union may not be so ‘perfect’ anymore. You begin to argue over financial issues, your professional lives clash, and the kids start throwing you some major curve balls. What changed since the first day you met?
Unfortunately, the answer is not so simple. Life is complex and so is the institution of marriage. One of the most logical explanations, however, is that you simply married the wrong person. While it may seem hard to believe at first, here are ten reasons why it may not be all that unlikely.
You are probably going to marry the wrong person because you are looking to escape this horribly sad, little emotion called ‘loneliness’.
There comes a time in life where being young, single, and free is no longer cool. While it is certainly fun to go out and party, meet new people, and stay out until the sun rises, it inevitably gets old after a while. You realize, eventually, that you are the only one who is still pursuing this dream. While you are out drinking too much and staying up too late, your closest friends are snuggled up next to their loved ones watching Netflix in bed. They have a roof over their head, a plan for the future, and someone who vows to stand by their side for the next few decades of life, love, and marriage.
And you? Well, you slowly start to feel that despair as loneliness begins to creep into your soul. The simple, free lifestyle you have grown to love isn’t loving you back. So, you seek solace in other people. You sign up on dating sites, go on a few dates, and meet a few possible candidates for the long-haul.
Loneliness is a funny emotion that sometimes drives people to make decisions based on how quickly they can feel whole again. No one wants to feel lonely. Too often, people end up with life-long partners that were never intended to be there for life. They seek solace in the company of someone they might not even know that well, just to escape the reality of the lonely life they are living.
9You Feel Pressured
It is quite possible that you are going to marry the wrong person because you feel pressured to do so.
When you are in your late teenage years, life is great. Many people graduate high school and go on to college, where they are exposed to an abundance of new people, new experiences, and new opportunities. At that point, it is pretty easy to feel like life is at your fingertips.
Then, you enter your early twenties. You graduate college and enter the workforce. While the workforce is not necessarily what you expected, you are making money and now have the cash flow needed to travel and buy things you were never able to buy during your college days. Life is good! You hang out with your friends, go out late at night, and spend your days grinding away at your trade.
Then you enter your late twenties and things begin to change. Staying out late on a week night is not necessarily the best idea anymore. Your money starts to matter more than it ever has as you begin to think a bit more seriously about your future. You also, at this point, start to feel the pressure from your family members and friends. ‘When are you going to meet a nice girl and settle down?’ they say. All of your friends are meeting nice people and settling down, so why aren’t you?
Too often, men and women, alike, get bogged down by what their parents, their extended family members, and their friends say about marriage. They feel the pressure from all sides and are expected to act. So, they do. While they may meet someone nice enough, they are quick to settle. Pressure can cause a person to do crazy things and it can certainly cause someone to rush into the institution of marriage with the wrong one.
8You Don’t Listen
Chances are you will marry the wrong person simply because you didn’t listen. While everyone else is standing on the outside of the relationship screaming about your partner’s red flags, you were blind and deaf to them.
Have you ever experienced a time when you were dating someone that everyone else knew wasn’t right for you? You may have been head over heels in love, walking on cloud nine, but no one else was elated by the fact that you were dating your significant other. Friends and family members would bring up concerns that they had, but it was hard to understand and to listen because you just didn’t see what the problem was. Often times, you would get confrontational or combative because you just weren’t seeing eye to eye. You had a right to defend your significant other, no?
When an individual enters into serious relationships, it can be difficult to see red flags as they are raised. It is easy to turn a blind eye on concerns that could cause serious issues down the line. Often times, individuals don’t recognize these concerns as being valid until it is much too late. They enter into the union of marriage with someone that may not be the most stable, mature, or sane, and then experience issues later on in life that could have been prevented if they just learned how to listen.
7You Don’t Talk About How You Feel
There are many places around the world where conversations about emotions are null and void – they don’t exist. In places where it is more acceptable to discuss feelings, there are a lot of people who just don’t know how to process what they are feeling, name their emotions, and convey them in an efficient manner to others.
Talking about your emotions is hard. There are some people who internalize everything. When something makes them upset or mad, they let strong emotions build up inside of them. They don’t talk about how they are feeling because they don’t want to appear weak or defeated. Perhaps, they are also fearful of what people will think of them and how they will be judged in the future.
Then, there are those people who let everything out, even when it offends or hurts others. They are quick to react to situations and have emotional outbursts that are often difficult to manage.
While it is not easy, talking about emotions is important, especially in a serious relationship. Learning how to process what you are feeling is critical. Learning to name your emotions, accept your emotions, and talk about how you are feeling with your loved ones is critical in building, and sustaining, healthy relationships.
Few people master the art of successfully managing their emotions. When it comes to marriage, you will probably marry the wrong person simply because you are one of the many who have not yet conquered this skill. As a result, you will enter into a union where emotions run rampant and damage the delicate intricacies of the bond that you have with your partner.
6You Don’t Marry for the Right Reasons
You are probably going to marry the wrong person simply because you are marrying for the wrong reasons.
Throughout history, people married for a number of reasons. In some cultures, marriages were pre-arranged affairs. Marriage was more of an alliance between two families, versus a matter of choice by the individual entering into the union. Parents chose a suitor for their young one based on how it would build or strengthen the family unit.
In other cultures, individuals had more than one suitor. The idea of monogamy – or only being with one person – didn’t come about until the early ninth century. In still others, marriages were based on finances or labor. Individuals wed based on what kind of work they were going to do, how it would affect their output, and what kind of income they were going to be able to generate as a couple. The idea of marrying for love didn’t come until much later. In fact, up until a few hundred years ago, people married out of necessity versus love.
Today, marriage has morphed into a unique organization. The laws have consistently changed, allowing people of all different shapes, sizes, and backgrounds to enter into their agreements of choice. With this freedom, however, comes repercussions. People are free, in many places, to marry who they want, when they want. Too many people jump into these relationships too quickly and are quick to break the bond when things get bad. In fact, in the United States alone, it is estimated that there is a divorce every 36 seconds.
5Happiness is Not That Simple and You Don’t Talk about Love
Imagine, again, that you have just met your soul mate. When your eyes met for the first time, you knew that it was the start of something beautiful. As you got to know each other, you also knew that this was your person – the person who was going to stand by your side through thick and thin and be there when life gets you down. Together, you are elated. The happiness you feel is immeasurable and indestructible.
Unfortunately, happiness is not that simple and neither is love. While you may feel happy in the moment, that level of happiness is not guaranteed throughout your marriage, especially when life tries to break you down. You may have moments where you are the complete opposite of happy and you have to learn how to deal with those feelings. The ups and the downs are all part of marriage. The problem, however, is that everyone knows how to deal with the ups, but when the going gets tough, they struggle dealing with the low points of the relationship.
You are going to marry the wrong person simply because happiness is complex and you don’t talk enough about what it means to be in love. What is love? Is it that fleeting moment of joy you experience when you meet someone for the first time? Is it the first kiss? Is it when he or she says, ‘I do’? On the other hand, what is hardship? How do couples who survive challenges and hardships stay together?
Happiness isn’t something that another person, alone, can bring into your life. Happiness comes from within. In order to have a happy, healthy relationship, you must determine what makes you happy, internally. Too many people rely on others to make them happy, rather than seeking their own internal light.
4You Build Relationships on Superficial Foundations
Another reason why you are going to marry the wrong person is because there are far too many relationships that are built on superficial foundations.
Think, for a moment, about someone close to you who has been married for a long time. Perhaps you have grandparents who have been married for 50 or 60 years. What is their relationship like? How have they survived the hardships of life? How have they remained strong in the face of adversity? What is their relationship built on?
Today, there are a number of people who are quick to date, quick to engage, and quick to marry. They spend little time getting to know the person that they are planning to marry. Sure, they may think that they get to know them by taking them out, spending time with them, and meeting their family, but are they really getting to know the person inside and out, for better or for worse?
There are a number of relationships nowadays that are built on superficial foundations. People marry for looks, for money, and for comfort. They get married so that they can start families and so that they won’t be alone. They no longer build relationships that are rooted in strong morals and family values. For many, marriage is no longer a lifelong bond, but an institution that can be easily started and easily broken.
3You Rush Into It
Another reason why you are going to marry the wrong person is because you rush into marriage. Compared to generations past, marriage is no longer a life-long bond in the eyes of the church. For some it may be, but for many others, it is a union that can be easily broken when the going gets tough.
There used to be something special about marriage. Marriage was the ultimate sacrifice. There was nothing more selfless than giving up everything you had to form a bond with another person who you cared for more deeply than anything else in this world. There was no escaping marriage when things got tough. Instead, you figured out a way to work through things together. While it may have tested every ounce of strength you had, it was something you figured out with your partner. You didn’t run away or blame the other person. You solved problems together.
Nowadays, too many people rush into marriage. They don’t really get to know the person they are going to be spending the rest of their life with. When life begins to break them down, they are quick to run in the other direction or let their partner deal with the brunt of the dilemma. They are quick to blame, quick to run, and quick to get a divorce when they no longer feel like they are capable of continuing the partnership. The person that they fell in love with has changed and is no longer the person they could see themselves spending forever with.
2Society Doesn’t Help
You are probably going to marry the wrong person because you live in a superficial, fast-paced society that is setting you up for failure.
Compared to your parents and grandparents, you live in a world that is much different than decades past. Everything is at your fingertips. If you have a question, you can hop on the internet and search for an immediate answer. If you are hungry, you can pick up your cell phone and call for take-out. If you are lonely, you can hop on social media and speak with an old friend who lives across the globe. Your parents and grandparents never had this kind of access, and while technology has done a lot of great things for society, it has also created a lot of demons that work against you when it comes to meeting your match and forming a life-long bond.
While there are quite a few dating apps that allow you to meet people from the comfort of your home, most of them are superficial. A typical dating profile may contain a few photos, some demographic information, and a few lines describing who the person is and what they are all about. Some apps even allow you to ‘swipe’ left of right depending on how attractive you think the other person is! Rather than meeting someone in person and engaging in meaningful conversation, people are meeting people online and jumping into relationships based on how a person looks, versus what is inside.
Not to mention social media, television shows, and other forms of entertainment. Television shows glorify problematic marriages. If you are feeling lonely, sad, or isolated in your relationship, you can hop on social media and meet new people. It is now easier than ever to engage in relationships outside of your marriage. Infidelity is a huge problem that grows increasingly easier – and worse – everyday.
There are a lot of great things about the world as it is today. Technology allows people to do things they never thought they can do, but also presents significant challenges for forming lifelong, meaningful, and sincere partnerships.
1You Don’t Know Yourself
You are most likely going to marry the wrong person simply because you don’t know yourself. How can you embark on a lifelong journey with someone when you don’t even know who you are?
When a person knows who they are, what makes them happy, and is confident in their own skin, they know what it takes to make someone else happy. When a person feels lost and hasn’t experienced the life they wish to live, they do not make for a very stable or happy lifelong partner. No one can bring you happiness. Happiness and fulfillment are two things that you have to discover on your own.
What happens is that too many people embark on lifelong relationships without ever giving themselves a chance to really live. They don’t take chances, they don’t travel, and they don’t seek out what is meaningful to them in this life. As a result, there is something missing. That void, unfortunately, cannot be filled by another person. While many people think that when they meet their soul mate, all of their problems will go away, they are sadly mistaken.
It may be hard for you to process the notion that you may be marrying the wrong person, or, perhaps, you already did. You might be thinking that you know and understand your partner, and that you have already figured all of the technicalities and uncertainties of marriage. You might be thinking that you have been happily married for decades and that nothing is going to come in the way of your marriage.
Perhaps, this is true. Perhaps you have married the right person and everything is wonderful. However, the odds are against you. Chances are you only think that you married the right person, but really have the wrong person standing by your side. Why? There are a lot of reasons why you may have married the wrong person. You could have been pressured into it, or loneliness drove you to propose on the fly. Perhaps you sought happiness in someone else, versus building a happy person from the ground up. Maybe you fell for society’s superficial antics, or built your relationship on a foundation made from dust.
Whatever the case, marriage is about two people, complete on their own, but stronger together tackling all of life’s challenges, hand in hand. It isn’t always easy, but the partnership becomes much more difficult when you marry the wrong one. Don’t be afraid to take your time and be hopeful. Focus on yourself and who you are and let the rest fall into place.