Beauty fades, but many have paid ridiculously high prices to ensure that it doesn’t do so anytime soon. While some succeed and some don’t, the processes can be exorbitant and often insane. Here, we share some of the crazier beauty secrets out there. Hold on to your seats, cause you’ll want them to stay secret!
10) Milk Baths
Milk has always been a popular skin rejuvenating treatment. Skin spritzers are a common beauty regimen for skin hydration, but full-on milk baths are a bit over the top. From modern day celebs like Cindy Crawford to classic beauties like Cleopatra, the creamy goodness of milk wasn’t quite restricted to their morning coffee. They would bathe in milk or cream, those who can afford it doing so daily. No wonder those cats liked Cleo so much!
9) Leg Lengthening Surgery
Height is might, so they say. Leg lengthening surgery, or what we’d like to call veritable torture, is a surgical procedure that can add 3 inches to your height. If you’d like to keep your breakfast in your stomach, gloss over the next few lines. The doctors graft some metal rods in the middle of your bones and brace them outside your limbs. With the push of a button (remote control), the rods inside you expand. Tearing the femur apart. Ma always said, I’ll be growing taller inch by inch! She somehow left out the word “excruciating”, though.
8) Colonic Irrigation
Hold onto your butts! Colonic irrigation is a nice, science-y way of saying some doctors stick a hose up your bum and… irrigate. Simon Cowell indulges in this procedure, so maybe it works. Or not. Colonic irrigation is supposedly great for flushing out the system and for overall health and anti-aging, but we’d prefer to just flush it down the toilet. Normally. No hoses please. The sheer amount of sacrifice that goes into looking pristine is definitely no fun.
On one of the Kardashian reality show episodes, Kanye West’s wife Kim had blood removed from her body and inserted back into her face using small needles. Like an artificial, very expensive form of blood circulation, this treatment is believed to bring better health and a ruddier complexion. Who doesn’t want those lovely rosy cheeks and natural blush? Definitely not the treatment for those afraid of needles or exorbitant price tags. Beauty does come with a price, and that price can either be money or pain. Or both.
6) Red Wine Baths
Anyone would love to pair a good red-wine with a well done steak. Would you take it to the next level, though, and actually bathe in it? Some of the richer beauty-obsessed have taken to bathing in bottles of the stuff. For them, it isn’t just beef that goes nicely with some wine. Desperate Housewife star Terri Hatcher, a famous celebrity has been known to love a relaxing, tenderising marinade in a good vintage. Suddenly the phrase “pouring money down the drain” pops up in our heads, but we couldn’t possibly say why!
Ah, the Botulinum Toxin from the Puffer Fish. Highly toxic and in certain doses fatal, it paralyses the muscles upon contact. Why not inject it straight into your face? Or other parts of the body worthy of this miraculous substance? A popular “beauty treatment” with celebrities, Botox is used to hide wrinkles and age lines, or try to at least. While most of the show-business industry has stopped pretending that it actually makes you look nice, a few treatments slip by every now and then at expensive prices. You can’t hide the zombie-like, unexpressive face that Botox gives!
4) Skin Leeching
Demi Moore doesn’t seem to age. Neither do vampires. Vampires have an obsession with blood. Demi Moore has her blood sucked out by leeches. Ergo…
Levity aside, leeching used to be a common medical remedy- in olden times! Modern medical breakthroughs have shown that this procedure actually does more harm than good, but many beauty purists still make use of the blood-suckers. Demi Moore herself has been known to have leeches periodically suck out her blood for renewed health. According to her, they use “highly trained medical swamp leeches”. Pass.
Looking for baby-bottom skin and a youthful, glowing complexion? The answer is close to home, or close to a womb if you take that literally. The substance that attaches infants to the uterine wall is called placenta, and it’s loaded with proteins and nutrients to rejuvenate your face. Of course, it’s meant to nourish your child, but we all have our own priorities! Placenta soaps, creams, and “vitamins” are in high demand, going for some pretty high prices in the cosmetics market. Despite the fact that the substance itself is naturally made, it can go for as high as hundreds of dollars for a small bottle. You know what they say- you are what you (excr)eat!
Speaking of excretions, we now come to the infamous Geisha Facial. A few celebrity purchasers of this service are the Beckham couple. Victoria and David apparently enjoy having a nice exfoliating scrub of nightingale droppings (see: bird poo) applied directly onto their face! When you take away all the fancy euphemisms, they’re still paying a nice round sum to get excrement rubbed into their skin- £100 per session to be exact. It must be highly effective, for that enormous price tag to be attached to it. It certainly seems so, what with the Beckhams perfect faces plastered onto billboards and magazine spreads. Or maybe its…
Lastly, we discuss one of the craziest secrets of the rich and famous when it comes to beauty. This tool is pure innovation, integrating photography and technology in a seamlessly astounding method for beauticians the world over. It can halt the ageing process and even create good looks where there used to be only the opposite. It can make you slimmer, fitter, more muscular even! Notwithstanding the fact that it’s temporary and doesn’t apply to the person in real life, Adobe Photoshop has been around to make people look unrealistically perfect since 1990. Perhaps there is a certain amount of beauty in deception!