10 Places to Hide From the Flesh-Eating Ebola Plague

The Ebola Virus
The Ebola Virus

10 Places to Hide From the Flesh-Eating Ebola Plague


The Ebola Virus
The Ebola Virus

After the start of Ebola virus symptoms, you’ve got about 9 days until the end, which happens 90 percent of the time with this flesh-eating plague. Little is known about the Ebola virus, how it arises in animals and passes to humans. Currently an epidemic, localized to West Africa, this plague could become a pandemic, coming to a town near you.


If you get it, expect your downslide to start within two days with what will feel like a tropical fever. Add a headache, sore throat, and muscle pain. Soon you’ll be nauseous and vomiting, possibly blood. Later, you’ll be bleeding from the inside until multiple organs fail. Chances are this outcome is not favorable for your interests, but where could you go to avoid this fate? Since they don’t know yet which animal(s) transfer the virus to humans, where to go depends on where the suspect animals are not. The animal suspects in Guinea, Sierra Leone, Liberia, and Nigeria are primates, antelopes (called duikers), and bats.


It’s safe to say that the great apes and duikers aren’t going to skip the continent anytime soon but the bats, that’s another story. They fly around and possibly leave the virus in their fecal droppings where the primates, duikers, and humans come into contact with it. So, how far can the bats in that region fly? If you knew that, you could construct a map of possible hideouts from the Ebola plague. Try the Outback, Paleartica, and all of the Western Hemisphere, which includes the Americas, Oceania, and Antarctica.


10. The Outback

Get Back to the Outback
Get Back to the Outback


Hide from the horror of the ongoing 2014 West Africa Ebola outbreak in the Outback, Down Under, Australia. Sure, there’s wild dogs and kangaroos that might kick you. Crocodiles, man-eating snakes, giant bats, and killer sharks, but nobody’s gonna breath some pathogen in your face. The World Health Organization (WHO) says, “Fruit bats of the Pteropodidae family are considered to be the natural host of the Ebola virus.” The Pteropodidae family of bats are also known as flying foxes. Body size ranges from 2 to 9 inches with wingspan up to 6 feet. These guys, which are so important to the ecosystem, do not visit Southwest Australia, so the Outback is borderline but possibly a good place to hide.


9. Palearctica


Afghanistan? I'd rather take my chances with Ebola
Afghanistan? I’d rather take my chances with Ebola

Most of the Palearctic region is free of fruit bats. This large ecozone comprises northern Africa, Europe, Asia north of the Himalayan foothills, and parts of the Arabian Peninsula. Therefore, feel free to visit or relocate to Russia, China, Afghanistan, Iran, and Iraq among others. However, you may run into other problems in those countries. Still, the absence of the fruit bat may make this region and those countries the place to bolt to just in case.


8. Antarctica


Antarctica: Cold but safe.
Antarctica: Cold but safe from Ebola anyway.

Antarctica is the South Pole, the southernmost tip of the Earth, surrounded by the Southern Ocean. Fruit bats don’t go here, but it’s pretty cold as 98 percent is covered in ice, if you like that sort of thing. If you’re into science and stuff, a bunch of countries have research stations you could maybe hang out at. Antarctic animals that won’t give you Ebola include penguins, whales, and seals.


7. Oceania

Refuge in Easter Island
Seek Refuge in Easter Island


Oceania would probably be more fun than Antarctica to hide out from the virus that wants to eat you from the inside out. This tropical region is in the Pacific Ocean and includes the Polynesian Islands. Stay more to the south of the region and you shouldn’t run into any fruit bats. Tonga, New Zealand, and Easter Island are good bets. That area is pretty big into sports, so you could play or watch rugby or soccer while you’re there. Plus, since it’s warm, people wear less clothes. ‘Nuff said.


6. Barbados 


Bottom Bay Barbados is Where You'll Find Me!
Bottom Bay Barbados is Where You’ll Find Me!

Barbados runs about 70 to 90 degrees and it is outside of the hurricane belt. The island has lots of European influences as the Spanish, English, and Portuguese took turns trying to claim it. So, for those who seek a tropical climate with a Euro feel, Barbados is worth a look. The government works hard to protect the environment so go see their amazing green, loggerhead, and leatherback turtle colonies.


5. Costa Rica


Costa Rica Looks Nice Too
Costa Rica Looks Nice Too

Costa Rica is a popular destination for American students and expatriates. Supposedly, you can get a house there for a fraction of the price in the U.S. The economy is stable and they don’t even have an army, so pacifists might want to consider this country to avoid the plague. In environmental concerns, the country seeks to be carbon-free by 2021, so if you love car culture, don’t go to Costa Rica.


4. Mexico


Mexico. Ok maybe Mexico, the food would be the best.
Mexico. Ok maybe Mexico, the food would be the best.

Mexico is a pretty big place and you need to choose wisely which area to visit as various forms of lawlessness exist. Just saying you might want to choose the more touristy areas like Puerto Vallarta, Cozumel, or Acapulco. And don’t drink the water, but if you do, diarrhea, nausea, vomiting, fever, and stomach cramps is a fair price to pay to avoid almost certain death from Ebola.


3. Jamaica

Jamaica. Blue water, skies, and better yet no Ebola.
Jamaica. Blue water, skies, and better yet no Ebola.


Jamaica, ja makin’ me crazy. This island country is a Commonwealth realm, so if you’re an Anglophile, go to Jamaica. Queen Elizabeth II is the official head of state and if you hang out long enough hiding from Ebola, you might get to meet her if she visits. Sample the funny grass stuff they smoke, listen to some reggae, and relax.


2. Canada


Canada. No Ebola. But plenty of sexy, sexy Canadians.
Canada. No Ebola. But plenty of sexy, sexy Canadians.

Canada has several provinces and territories to choose from. None of them are home to the fruit bat. Everybody says how great the health care is there. If you go to Vancouver, lots of America TV shows are filmed there, so you might meet some celebrities. If you speak French or English, you’re in luck as both are spoken in Canada. Lacrosse and ice hockey are big if you need something to do while hiding out.


1. America


'Merica F! Yeah. No Ebola and the tractor pulls you can shake a stick at!
‘Merica F! Yeah. No Ebola and all the tractor pulls you can shake a stick at!

The number 1 place for an American to avoid the Ebola virus is home, good ole ‘Merica. This country is a Republic ruled by the Legislative, Executive, and Judicial branches of government. It just got affordable health care, and is working towards equality for gays and equal pay for women. Don’t forget about the sports teams, regional food delicacies, and natural wonders. You might want to stay out of U.S. airports that travellers pass through from the Eastern Hemisphere, half of the world that has fruit bats, suspected transmitters of the almost always fatal Ebola virus that eats your internal organs and makes you expire in agony.


Update: 9/30/2014 –> https://gma.yahoo.com/first-ebola-case-u-cdc-vows-stop-215600354–abc-news-topstories.html

1st Ebola Case diagnosed in U.S.  scratch it off the list.

  • C Swanson

    Ebola is not flesh eating.

    • From: http://news.sciencemag.org/health/2014/08/what-does-ebola-actually-do

      Does the virus target certain organs?

      Ebola triggers a system-wide inflammation and fever and can also damage many types of tissues in the body, either by prompting immune cells such as macrophages to release inflammatory molecules or by direct damage: invading the cells and consuming them from within. But the consequences are especially profound in the liver, where Ebola wipes out cells required to produce coagulation proteins and other important components of plasma. Damaged cells in the gastrointestinal tract lead to diarrhea that often puts patients at risk of dehydration. And in the adrenal gland, the virus cripples the cells that make steroids to regulate blood pressure and causes circulatory failure that can starve organs of oxygen.

      Apparently ebola is even nastier than we thought. By “invading the cells and consuming them from within.” Sounds like flesh eating to me.

      By the by, according to webmd Flesh eating bacteria doesn’t eat flesh but causes it to get necrotic and die, see: http://www.webmd.com/news/20140801/flesh-eating-bacteria-florida-water?page=2

      It’s been called a ”flesh-eating” bacteria — is that true?

      “In vulnerable patients with wound infections, the bacteria can create severe tissue damage and skin breakdown — necrotizing fasciitis — at the wound site,” Blackmore says. While this is often referred to as ”flesh-eating bacteria,” Blackmore says, medical experts consider it a misnomer. ”The bacteria don’t actually consume the flesh. The bacteria have toxins that are destroying the cells in the tissue. The cells end up dying from the toxin exposure.”

      • C Swanson

        Seems to me that flesh is the only thing left intact with Ebola. You are right about flesh eating bacteria being a misnomer. I’ve assisted in deriding over 100 cases at least. It doesn’t eat it, just kills it. What I should have said is that this whole article is stupid and makes light of something that isn’t. I guess it got my attention, but judging by your lack of comments, I was the only sucker.

        • Depends on what you mean by flesh. As you can see from above: ebola invades cells and consumes them from within. Very nasty. If cells are flesh then ebola is flesh eating.

          I don’t think you’re a sucker but you’re definitely a snarky little shit. Thanks for reading! 😉

          • C Swanson

            the soft substance consisting of muscle and fat that is found between the skin and bones of an animal or a human.

            • Hello troll. Glad you’re back. Another round. Put your gloves up. You’re arguing semantics now. Step into the briar patch. Let’s try this angle: we are content creators (including our writers who I’m defending) we have creative license. Think of it this way. When a vulture strips the “flesh” from your bones what is that flesh? Does it include your liver? Yes it does. I can do this all day. This is my blog. You’ll never win. But I love whupping on trolls. Bring it. Don’t give up you troll-io. In fact why don’t you comment on some other articles. Let’s get busy!!