10 Places to Hide From the Flesh-Eating Ebola Plague

The Ebola Virus
The Ebola Virus

10 Places to Hide From the Flesh-Eating Ebola Plague

 

The Ebola Virus
The Ebola Virus

After the start of Ebola virus symptoms, you’ve got about 9 days until the end, which happens 90 percent of the time with this flesh-eating plague. Little is known about the Ebola virus, how it arises in animals and passes to humans. Currently an epidemic, localized to West Africa, this plague could become a pandemic, coming to a town near you.

 

If you get it, expect your downslide to start within two days with what will feel like a tropical fever. Add a headache, sore throat, and muscle pain. Soon you’ll be nauseous and vomiting, possibly blood. Later, you’ll be bleeding from the inside until multiple organs fail. Chances are this outcome is not favorable for your interests, but where could you go to avoid this fate? Since they don’t know yet which animal(s) transfer the virus to humans, where to go depends on where the suspect animals are not. The animal suspects in Guinea, Sierra Leone, Liberia, and Nigeria are primates, antelopes (called duikers), and bats.

 

It’s safe to say that the great apes and duikers aren’t going to skip the continent anytime soon but the bats, that’s another story. They fly around and possibly leave the virus in their fecal droppings where the primates, duikers, and humans come into contact with it. So, how far can the bats in that region fly? If you knew that, you could construct a map of possible hideouts from the Ebola plague. Try the Outback, Paleartica, and all of the Western Hemisphere, which includes the Americas, Oceania, and Antarctica.

 

10. The Outback

Get Back to the Outback
Get Back to the Outback

 

Hide from the horror of the ongoing 2014 West Africa Ebola outbreak in the Outback, Down Under, Australia. Sure, there’s wild dogs and kangaroos that might kick you. Crocodiles, man-eating snakes, giant bats, and killer sharks, but nobody’s gonna breath some pathogen in your face. The World Health Organization (WHO) says, “Fruit bats of the Pteropodidae family are considered to be the natural host of the Ebola virus.” The Pteropodidae family of bats are also known as flying foxes. Body size ranges from 2 to 9 inches with wingspan up to 6 feet. These guys, which are so important to the ecosystem, do not visit Southwest Australia, so the Outback is borderline but possibly a good place to hide.

 

9. Palearctica

 

Afghanistan? I'd rather take my chances with Ebola
Afghanistan? I’d rather take my chances with Ebola

Most of the Palearctic region is free of fruit bats. This large ecozone comprises northern Africa, Europe, Asia north of the Himalayan foothills, and parts of the Arabian Peninsula. Therefore, feel free to visit or relocate to Russia, China, Afghanistan, Iran, and Iraq among others. However, you may run into other problems in those countries. Still, the absence of the fruit bat may make this region and those countries the place to bolt to just in case.

 

8. Antarctica

 

Antarctica: Cold but safe.
Antarctica: Cold but safe from Ebola anyway.

Antarctica is the South Pole, the southernmost tip of the Earth, surrounded by the Southern Ocean. Fruit bats don’t go here, but it’s pretty cold as 98 percent is covered in ice, if you like that sort of thing. If you’re into science and stuff, a bunch of countries have research stations you could maybe hang out at. Antarctic animals that won’t give you Ebola include penguins, whales, and seals.

 

7. Oceania

Refuge in Easter Island
Seek Refuge in Easter Island

 

Oceania would probably be more fun than Antarctica to hide out from the virus that wants to eat you from the inside out. This tropical region is in the Pacific Ocean and includes the Polynesian Islands. Stay more to the south of the region and you shouldn’t run into any fruit bats. Tonga, New Zealand, and Easter Island are good bets. That area is pretty big into sports, so you could play or watch rugby or soccer while you’re there. Plus, since it’s warm, people wear less clothes. ‘Nuff said.

 

6. Barbados 

 

Bottom Bay Barbados is Where You'll Find Me!
Bottom Bay Barbados is Where You’ll Find Me!

Barbados runs about 70 to 90 degrees and it is outside of the hurricane belt. The island has lots of European influences as the Spanish, English, and Portuguese took turns trying to claim it. So, for those who seek a tropical climate with a Euro feel, Barbados is worth a look. The government works hard to protect the environment so go see their amazing green, loggerhead, and leatherback turtle colonies.

 

5. Costa Rica

 

Costa Rica Looks Nice Too
Costa Rica Looks Nice Too

Costa Rica is a popular destination for American students and expatriates. Supposedly, you can get a house there for a fraction of the price in the U.S. The economy is stable and they don’t even have an army, so pacifists might want to consider this country to avoid the plague. In environmental concerns, the country seeks to be carbon-free by 2021, so if you love car culture, don’t go to Costa Rica.

 

4. Mexico

 

Mexico. Ok maybe Mexico, the food would be the best.
Mexico. Ok maybe Mexico, the food would be the best.

Mexico is a pretty big place and you need to choose wisely which area to visit as various forms of lawlessness exist. Just saying you might want to choose the more touristy areas like Puerto Vallarta, Cozumel, or Acapulco. And don’t drink the water, but if you do, diarrhea, nausea, vomiting, fever, and stomach cramps is a fair price to pay to avoid almost certain death from Ebola.

 

3. Jamaica

Jamaica. Blue water, skies, and better yet no Ebola.
Jamaica. Blue water, skies, and better yet no Ebola.

 

Jamaica, ja makin’ me crazy. This island country is a Commonwealth realm, so if you’re an Anglophile, go to Jamaica. Queen Elizabeth II is the official head of state and if you hang out long enough hiding from Ebola, you might get to meet her if she visits. Sample the funny grass stuff they smoke, listen to some reggae, and relax.

 

2. Canada

 

Canada. No Ebola. But plenty of sexy, sexy Canadians.
Canada. No Ebola. But plenty of sexy, sexy Canadians.

Canada has several provinces and territories to choose from. None of them are home to the fruit bat. Everybody says how great the health care is there. If you go to Vancouver, lots of America TV shows are filmed there, so you might meet some celebrities. If you speak French or English, you’re in luck as both are spoken in Canada. Lacrosse and ice hockey are big if you need something to do while hiding out.

 

1. America

 

'Merica F! Yeah. No Ebola and the tractor pulls you can shake a stick at!
‘Merica F! Yeah. No Ebola and all the tractor pulls you can shake a stick at!

The number 1 place for an American to avoid the Ebola virus is home, good ole ‘Merica. This country is a Republic ruled by the Legislative, Executive, and Judicial branches of government. It just got affordable health care, and is working towards equality for gays and equal pay for women. Don’t forget about the sports teams, regional food delicacies, and natural wonders. You might want to stay out of U.S. airports that travellers pass through from the Eastern Hemisphere, half of the world that has fruit bats, suspected transmitters of the almost always fatal Ebola virus that eats your internal organs and makes you expire in agony.

 

Update: 9/30/2014 –> https://gma.yahoo.com/first-ebola-case-u-cdc-vows-stop-215600354–abc-news-topstories.html

1st Ebola Case diagnosed in U.S.  scratch it off the list.