Top 10 Reasons to Vote for Trump

top-10-reasons-to-vote-for-trump
top-10-reasons-to-vote-for-trump

Top 10 Reasons to Vote for Trump

 

When dealing with a figure as controversial as Donald Trump, it’s difficult to be neutral because he’s amazing! Countless words have been written extolling the virtues and vices of the man vying for the presidential vote, and I have no wish to add to them by rehearsing familiar for/against arguments or by preaching to the converted. So instead, here’s a universally relatable simile.

 

Donald Trump is a bit like a bad mosquito bite. You didn’t ask for it, you may not even live in a mosquito area, but you’re stuck with

it anyway. Sometimes you can distract yourself for long enough that you forget it’s there, but most of the time you’re all too aware of it. You almost certainly want to scratch it. Admit it, it feels good. But the more you scratch, the bigger and redder it gets. And besides, you’re just hurting yourself in the long run.

 

Unfortunately the damage has already been done and you’ve scratched so much you’re going to need treatment, a remedy, something that may not entirely take away the itch, but will at least alleviate the symptoms and make the coming hours, days; months, years more bearable. There is no perfect remedy for inflamed mosquito bites, just advice. Don’t itch. Don’t vote for the mosquito bite. Leave it alone. Vote Hillary.

 

If, however, you’re a scratcher by nature then nothing you’ll read over the next few minutes is going to change your mind. So please, read on.

10The wall.

Vote for trump we’ll get a nice wall. Maybe like this one!

9He’s not a politician.

Vote Trump. He’s not the typical politician.

8He wants to ban all Muslims from entering America.

No Muslims allowed in Trumptopia.

7He’s great with women.

Trump loves women in fact he’s teaching this one to speak English because Melania is turning 50 soon

6To make sure Norwegian Bunchgrass goes to a good home.

My hair is yuuuuge!  I have heard from hundreds of people that tell me my hair is the best hair. My hair is very, very, very, good hair.

5He’s exceptionally good at firing people.

via GIPHY

 

When asked in an interview for Life Beyond Sport whether firing people was something he found difficult or regretful, Trump’s reply was concise: “People think I enjoy firing people. I don’t.” Forcing people out of their job is part and parcel of the cutthroat word of elite business, and you don’t get to be a world famous business tycoon like Donald Trump if you’re not prepared to do it. But his claim to derive no pleasure from the process is, at the very least, suspect.

 

At first he fired people behind closed doors. Then he started appearing on NBC’s The Apprentice and firing people on TV. One candidate, Sam Solovey, was fired three times in just as many sentences, unable to do anything but gawk like a goldfish as he struggled to make sense of his situation. Bradford Cohen’s dismissal left an entire boardroom reeling, shell-shocked by the heavy firing they’d just experienced and unable to do anything other than rock back and forth muttering “oh my god”. In one memorable boardroom episode he got so carried away with firing people that he just couldn’t stop; sitting there in his tuxedo and firing off his semi-automatic finger like some kind of corporate James Bond of the ‘Roger-Moore’s-let-himself-go’ variety.

 

If anything, the public firing of people has only intensified as his campaign has gathered momentum. Victims of his presidential campaign so far include Paul Manafort, Corey Lewandowski and Ed Brookover. Rick Wiley, ‘Klu Klux’ Sam Nunberg and Kevin Kellems. Roger Stone, Michael Caputo and even ‘Double-Barrelled’ Barry Bennet. Let’s just hope he never fires those nuclear weapons.

4Because Nigel Farage said you should.

Nigel Farage.  Somehow, even creepier in person.

3He speaks his mind.

Vote for Trump! He speaks his mind.  Loudly.

2The First Family

Vote for Trump and you get this first family for free!

1It’ll ‘Make America Great Again’.

Vote Trump.  For Merica!