12 Things Only Canadians Know About Sex

Our neighbors to the North know a whole bunch about hockey, snow, curling, moose hunting, and socialized medicine but did you know that there are 12 Things Only Canadians Know About Sex. 

 

  1. Calm in the Streets, Freak in the Sheets!
Freaky Canadians Under the Sheets
Freaky Canadians Under the Sheets

 

If we were to ask you which country are the lurrrrve experts, we’d get answers like “Italians, have you even seen Lady and the Tramp?” or “The French- they’ve even got a kiss named after them!” You’d probably not answer Canada. Sohana Samanta, the brand manager of Playtex feminine care, agrees with you.

 

“There’s a stigma about Canadians being somewhat reserved,” said Samanta when interviewed regarding their sexual demographic survey. You’ll be shocked to hear this next bit, however! “Some of the greatest findings in this survey speak to the fact that Canadians are a lot more adventurous and sexually uninhibited than we believed … I mean, 8% of Canadians have had sex in a canoe.”

 

  1. Canucks in Canoes
Canadian Canoe Canoodling!
Canadian Canoe Canoodling!

If you thought sneaking a quickie in the bushes was real adventurous, you’ve got another think coming. That’s a real statistic, mind you: 8% of Canadians have admitted to having sex in a canoe. With an approximate population of 35,158,300 in Canada, around 2,812,664 have done this naughty deed! Canadians take the phrase “roughing it” to a whole ‘nother level. Canoeing it, perhaps?

 

  1. How to Make Flannel Sexy
So Canadian. So Flannely. So Hot!
So Canadian. So Flannely. So Hot!

Perhaps the only ones who can get it on while wearing flannel. A common Canadian joke is that you know you’re Canadian if you think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons. Mmmm, is your beaver ready for some wood chopping?

 

 

  1. It Takes Time
Foreplay the Canadian Way
Foreplay the Canadian Way

Durex held a survey in 2007-2008 regarding habits in the bedroom. Canadians take their sexytime seriously it seems, as they were found to spend about 37 minutes on foreplay and intercourse per session. That’s longer than that of the United States, and a full 10 minutes more than in Hong Kong! Perhaps all the cold air in Canada has given men much more endurance. Canada is also the vasectomy capital of the world, which goes to show that men can make big sacrifices for their ladies.

 

  1. The More, the Merrier!
1 Booty 2 Booty 3 Booty More!
1 Booty 2 Booty 3 Booty More!

The same Durex survey turned up some pretty interesting results. Canadian men reported about 23 partners in a lifetime on average. Spain ranked in second with an average number of 21, 17 in France, and only an average of 13 in the U.S. Canadian women, on the other hand, have 10 partners on average. The global average is at about 12, so Canadians really know how to go on playing the field before they settle down!

 

  1. Three’s Company
Menage Ah Canadian!
Menage Ah Canadian!

Ah, the ménage a trois. In some countries, there’s quite the taboo on this raunchy affair, but Canadians find that three’s company. The survey reported that more than 1 in 5 sexually active adults, which is a fair 22 percent, have indulged in more than a bit of generosity in the bedroom. If 22 percent have done it with 2 or more partners, 29 percent say they’d be willing to try it! If any country knows how to have fun with more than one, it’s Canada!

 

 

  1. How Maple Syrup Can Totally Be A Turn-On
Mapley Horniness
Mapley Horniness

We don’t know what exactly it is about Maple syrup that Canadians love, but that doesn’t stop them from loving the stuff! Believe it or not, Canada actually offers a maple syrup flavored condom! While we prefer to stick to whipped cream and chocolate, Canadians know how to make your Flapjack sticky, if you know what I mean.

 

                                                                                   

  1. Being Considerate Gets You A Long Way
Bad Canadian Doggies!
Bad Canadian Doggies!

The running joke is that Canadians do it dog style so both of them can watch the hockey game. While we saw no need to spy on any Canadians “playing Mountie” to confirm this, it just goes to show that Canadians are considerate- even in the bedroom! If you ask a Canadian nicely, they’ll probably be letting you “enter Parliament” and fill your evening with “Oh, oh, oh Canada!”

 

  1. That Same Sex Rights Aren’t A Big Deal, Eh?
Same Sex Sexiness!
Same Sex Sexiness!

“Want to see my lumber, Jack?” Canada is probably one of the most progressive countries when it comes to same-sex couples. There’s quite a bit of variance between the rights between same-sex couples in Canada than in the United States. Since the late 90s, same-sex couples had marriage rights extended. Sometime in the early 200s, several Canadian provinces legalized same-sex marriage, and legislation spread the breadth of this law to the whole country in 2005.

 10. Outdoors

Look Out for Splinters You Crazy Canucks!
Look Out for Splinters You Crazy Canucks!

If you were surprised by the whole canoe debacle, don’t be surprised at this next bit. Canadians also know how to get down and dirty in other public places. About half have admitted to engaging in sexual acts in public parks and various other common areas. With 49% of Canadians ready to rough it, they surely know how to have an adventure! Americans came in close, with 42% saying they’ve had sex in public parks.

11.  Marathon

Record Breaking Canadians
Record Breaking Canadians

If there’s one thing that Canadians know how to do, it’s how to have marathons. That doesn’t just apply to running or sledding, but also to the bedroom. The Penguin Atlas of Human Sexual Behavior says that Canadians fall in the top 3 sex marathoners in the world. With the top spot bagged by the Brazilians, on an average of 30 minutes per session (intercourse only), Canadians come in second place with an average of 28 and 23 minutes respectively. These figures were based on 108 sex acts of a 23-minute duration versus 113 sex acts averaging 28 minutes in length.

 

12. How to Come Up With Crazy Sex-Position Names

How I Met That Mother of Yours Hint She's Canadian
How I Met That Mother of Yours Hint She’s Canadian

s_bukley / Shutterstock.com

For fans of How I Met Your Mother, you may be familiar with Barney and company attempting to guess what went down between Robin and a Canadian celebrity. In their discussions, a handful of “Canadian sex acts” are mentioned. If “Old King Clancy” isn’t enough to boggle your mind, the show creators have created a dummy site that lists some inventive, strange names. We’re not entirely sure if they’re real, but the Canadians aren’t telling! Here they are, as listed on the site:

 

  • Reverse Rick Moranis
  • Montreal Meatpie
  • Saskatoon Totem Pole
  • Musty Goaltender
  • Sticky Flapjack
  • Squatting Eskimo
  • Five-Legged Caribou
  • Newfoundland Lobster Trap
  • Manitoba Milk Bag
  • Two-Handed Zamboni
  • Sneaky Snowplow
  • Full Mountie
  • Sloppy Dog Sled
  • Halifax Fudge Badger
  • Two Girls, One Stanley Cup
  • Brown Icicle
  • Frosty Mitten Job
  • Montreal Petting Zoo
  • Wet Ski Mask
  • Edmonton Soiler
  • Salty Prime Minister
  • One-Tusked Walrus
  • Northwest Passage

 

 

 

 

  • Reverse Rick Moranis!! Love that one.